Every so often I’ll have a dream involving an old friend of mine. It’s been a good year and a half since we last talked. Every time I have these dreams involving him, I always wake up sad.
I’ve made a new friend. I’m planning what’s next in life. I don’t understand why these dreams keep happening. I guess when you’ve been friends for so many years and he’s was your best friend, some things are a bit harder to let go.
While this dream was more comedic than others, it doesn’t change the fact I still woke up feeling the way I do.
Even if I were to see him again, what would I do? What would I say? Especially when you know you’re the reason that he doesn’t talk to you anymore. I just feel like it would cause him more pain.
(He felt I treated our friendship as a joke. I realized some things I did were at his expense, away from others, and tried to correct that prior to learning how he felt. But it was too little, too late.)
This is probably the first time I’ve actually spoke of this publicly. I haven’t even mentioned this to our friend group. (I’m sure they put the pieces together long ago.) Maybe saying something will help my brain move on. I wish it would. I feel like I have… but maybe I haven’t.
I hope he’s doing all right.